My Personal Testimony

How I came into my faith: I am fortunate to have been raised by my mother in the Christian faith, and unlike some who were raised in faith but repudiated it, I embraced it. I think it boils down to the experience. I loved the atmosphere of being in Church when I was kid. I loved what believing in God stood for. I didn't fully understand about Christ's sacrifice until I got older, and it was when I was a teenager that I truly became saved.

 

That I truly accepted what His love for me meant.

 

And that I felt the peace of the Holy Spirit move through me.

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Originally, I was baptized Catholic when I was a baby because mom was still navigating through her own faith journey, and she had converted to Catholicism when she married her first husband. After divorcing from him and later marrying my father, she remained Catholic until she realized that their practices didn't align with what she'd been reading in the Bible. So she left the Catholic Church and attended various Churches until she felt moved by the Holy Spirit to find the right fit.

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My sister and I had attended Church service with our mother regularly until she and our father split when I was 5 and my sister, 7. For a period after our father left, Mom strayed a bit from the path but then she met our Stepfather and eventually they both found their way back to God.

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We moved when I was 10 to Illinois where my Stepfather was originally from, and he later became a preacher of a Church in Southern Illinois. So, for a time I had been a preacher's daughter. I say "had" because he eventually cheated on my mother and abandoned our family. His actions had a devastating impact, not just on our family but our Church as well. He was "asked" to step down as pastor and inevitably de-ordained. I unfortunately haven't had a relationship with him since and not by my own choosing. He's still mending the relationship with his biological children, and it's been many many years since the fallout. Nonetheless, I forgive him. He will always be that second father to me even though we don't have a relationship anymore.

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My relationship with my own father had never been one to brag about either. Although, I'm happy to admit that it's much better now. He and I just didn't ever really click when I was kid, not like he did with my sister. So, I was like the Jan with just a Marsha and no Cindy when it came to dad-time. (Yes. I just referenced Brady Bunch. Please don't judge lol)

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Anyway, our dad had never had any interest in knowing God. Rather, he was a partier, player, and could be domestically violent usually on account of alcohol, jealousy and his own player type actions. Never physically violent with anyone - moreso, toward objects and with his words.

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When my sister and I spent time with our dad, we experienced a totally different lifestyle than we did with our mom and stepfather. Mom's home was strict and tough, but loving, on a foundation of faith, and Dad's was carefree and fun but sometimes volatile.

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Needless to say, I had a lot of anxiety growing up, and I experienced it quite detrimentally both in a mental and physical capacity. I hadn't even known what anxiety was until I was over the age of 20 and had finally talked to a therapist, who diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Therefore, I lived many of terrifying years thinking I was crazy, dying or both and keeping all of it inside, which is typical of people with severe anxiety disorders. Only by the grace of God had I gotten through that rough period of my life and many other challenges along the way to where I am today. There were many times I wanted to give up but God carried me through.

I even strayed for a time in my younger adult years. Granted, I still believed but was selfish and didn't make the necessary time for Jesus that I should have. It took me a while to acknowledge the error of my ways, but I eventually did. He's been with me at my darkest moments, and I know with out a shadow of doubt that I can always count on Him no matter what. I wish that everyone would give Him the chance to show them that He's there for them too. Because He is there. We are never alone. He's always waiting to welcome us back with open arms in this life, but it's important never to wait until it's too late. We never know when death might come knocking and miss the chance to run into His arms.